Legacy

    This summer my sister-in-law and I used the rare opportunity of having two months together to study the Kelly Minter Bible study; Ruth: Loss, Love, and Legacy.  It was such a blessing to study Ruth and how she desired to know God. How because of her willingness he did use her and the legacy she left leads to our Jesus. My Jesus.

   Her story has not left my mind since we ended our study several weeks ago. I constantly have the thought, "I want to leave a legacy." I want to leave a legacy that God desires. I know I can start with the three sweet kids God has blessed me with. What I find rather funny, you know - in a not so funny sort of way,  is that God picked a time when I am at my weakest going at the whole parenting thing alone, to work on me about this.

  I heard this song on the radio several weeks ago and I have been singing it in my head ever since.

The Difference a Year Makes

   About this time last year I was crazily running around my house trying to get my 8 year old, nearly 3 year old, and my 3 month old ready for our first day at CC. The 8 year old was nervous. The almost three year old was a very energetic little boy, who had no interest in sitting quietly in his sister's class. The 3 month old was nursing A LOT. I had not gone anywhere with all three kids by myself.
   We arrived late. Really, on the first day I was already late. How classic.

   Most of the day was a blur. What I do remember was trying to be cool and nurse the baby in my older daughter's class despite the fact that I had 2 dad's sitting next to me and I was about out of my comfort zone as I had ever been. I remember trying to chase after my son while at the same time nursing the baby. The day was mostly chasing and nursing. It was stressful. It was the least succesful day I could have imagined.

   It was one day down and 23 more to go.

   Just in case I had any doubts about my *fabulously, wonderful* first day, that evening it got better. I opened my e-mail and saw there was one from our CC Director. I read it and replied to her question. Also in my response I included about how wonderful my day had been and then hit send. A moment later I had a new email. It was from me. I had sent my response to everyone in our group. Once again, how classic!

   Over the following weeks I made changes to our schedule and ultimately our family had a successful year.

   Today was our first day of the 2010-2011 school year for CC. This year I had an excited and confident 9 year old. I had an almost 4 year old little boy, still full of energy, but ready for his first day in his own class. I had someone to be at home and love on my now 15 month old baby. We were still a few minutes late getting there - some things don't change.


     It was a great day. Not sure it could have gone smoother for us. There are new people that my family is looking forward getting to know. There are old friends we are excited to see again. We will have good and bad days, but as our CC Director is always saying, allow yourself grace. Allow grace for the others in our growing community.

I am

mad.angry.hurt.lonely.useless.wanting to scream. wanting to hit something. wanting to rebel and overly comply all the same time. wanting to hurt you as much as you hurt me. ready to give up. feeling as crazy as you make me feel but know I am not. ready to explode. searching for comfort. frustrated. aggravated. tired. exhausted. worn down. on a path I never saw myself. on a path I don't want to be on anymore. wanting calmness. wanting love. wanting happiness. wanting a sense of peace. tired of never knowing who you will be that day. tired of making excuses for you and for "us". holding on to something so broken. cut. in need. unable to turn my mind off. wanting to sleep. on an endless cycle. endlessly hopeful. endlessly doubtful. a stranger to myself. certainly uncertain. wanting to be numb.

What I Would Say

...if you were here.

      I think about you often throughout the day. I often reach for my cell phone to call you to tell you something the kids did, or to tell something that I just think you would find funny, or to tell you to pick up milk on your way home because I am really not up to getting all three kids into the van into the store and back into the van and home for one gallon of milk.

      I am tired of being "the bad guy". Someone else needs to do it for a while.

      Almost four year old boys do not adjust well to drastic changes. My sanity is G.O.N.E.

     I have learned that when there is no structure to our days, I long for structure and a PLAN. When our days are structured and all planned out, I long for days of just go with the flow nothingness. Perhaps I need to find a balance.

    I found a new love. Well, what I actually found is a company that sells something I have always loved. BAGS! PURSES! WALLETS! I wanted every single thing in the catalog but I only purchased three items! Now I am hosting a party to earn the rest of what I want for free or at least super cheap.

     Did I mention that you can pick the pattern you want your item in AND have it embroidered???

     Oh yes, I have found a new love.

     I have no one to pillow talk with.

    As much as I would like to say that I am past finding my birthday's important or wanting anything for them, I can't say that. I am pretty sure I am going to end up bummed out on my birthday this year.

    It is crazy to me that it has been nearly a year since I have spoken to some family members.

    Studying the book of Ruth this summer with my Sister-in-law has been rewarding in more ways than I can express.

   As much as I am ready to head home, I am dreading heading home.

  I am going to sleep now. Guess this counts as pillow talk???

 Love Ya!

How true, How true! A “Real” Love Story

 

Crazy little thing called life

Life has been a crazy, dizzy(ing) thing lately. It has been one BIG thing right after another leading up to THE big thing.

Yesterday the kids and I dropped off hubby for his deployment. I am terrible at goodbyes and this one just sucked!

I am incredibly grateful though that this time his deployment is during the summer, the kids are out of school(well out of our regular schedule- we are going to do school right through the summer) and we can just go and enjoy staying busy.

Thomas is going to take swim lessons this summer. Over our trip to my parents last month we had not one but TWO drowning scares. The boy is fearless. The second one added some scare to him though!

It is late and I need to figure out a way to sleep. So goodnight!

My Mighty One Year Old…My How You Have Grown!

Abby girl this post is a couple weeks late but I can not believe you are already ONE!

You delight me. I adore you. You are the sweetest little girl with a smile at all times.

You love your older sister and brother. You crack me up with how little you are but you are feisty!

The pediatrician was worried about your weight and growth but somehow you are right where you should be. Still our little peanut but at 18lbs, 29inches and walking and talking you are doing  just fine!

For months now you have been walking along furniture but in the three weeks leading up to your birthday you were really working on taking those first steps. A couple days before your birthday you started to put it all together and were taking two and three steps at a time. Then on the day you turned one, you took off and haven’t looked back.

You can say Dada, Emily, Thomas, cracker, up, bye-bye. please, yes, guys, hey, and you say AGH every night when we say prayers so I am pretty sure that is your Amen, BUT you will not say Momma, Mom, Mommy or any variation of my name.

This past year you have grown and changed so much. I feel so blessed to be your Mommy. I look forward to seeing all the changes the next year brings!

 

Dude I got a Dell

I have many things I want to write about our recent trip but for now I want to test out something on my brand new laptop!

too tired to write a title

It has been a LOOOOONG day.

Just about a year ago we found out that my hubby's grandfather had stomach cancer. The doctors gave him 3-6 months to live. This past Christmas it took a turn for the worst and we went to see him. He is a stubborn old man though and he wasn't ready to go. The hospital released him to Hospice care. When he got to his new place he was doing so well he wasn't ready for hospice. He was up every morning talking to people, enjoying life.

He was the Wii bowling champ within days!

Then last week the cancer became too much for his body. He was ready to go. We knew it was just a matter of days. The hubby, me and the kiddo's have wonderful memories of him from Christmas and those were the memories we wanted to keep. So we waited for a call.

This wednesday i caught up on all of our laundry. Cleaned house. Waited.

Thursday we had our normal busy day of kids activities from 10-3.

Thursday night I was finally ready to order my new computer so I waited up for hubby so I could show him. We stayed up way too late. THEN our sweet little Abby who always sleeps through the night woke up at 3 am and never went back to sleep! I finally gave up at 5:30am and let her babble and play in her crib. Poor baby had a stomach ache and some serious gas! I had just fallen back to sleep when the hubby's Dad called to let us know Opa had passed away early this morning. Then I was just awake.

I have so much I want to say about Opa but not now.

I had errands to run at the mall this morning. Arrived home just in time for hubby to leave for work and then the kids and I headed to Wal-mart to take the car in for an oil change. Took forever!

Came home and  I started packing and cleaning up and giving baths and dinner and still packing. Once hubby throws his clothes in we will be good to go to bed on a trip.

Ultimate Ultimatum

I feel like I spend half my day saying "Stop that or....."

Stop using the couch for practicing your tumbling or your walk overs or as a trampoline. Stop seeing how far from the couch you can push the coffee table, jump off the coffee table and still land safely on the couch. If you do not stop I will make you sit on the floor all day. HA! Lasts for two seconds.

Stop yelling in your loudest voice when talking to the person inches away from you. Your baby sister is trying to take a nap. If you wake her up again I will do some random thing because I am no longer thinking logically.

 Please stop or else...

Last night though I had to give a real ultimatum. I gave a real ultimatum two months ago to this loved one but A) I tend to lack on the follow through and B)I lack follow through.

 I think I just kept waiting for the person to do what was right. What was best. The thing is I don't really want to do ...or else. Probably because I lack follow-through and all.

I think this time though I gave us both an ultimatum. It stops. Period. They stop or I stop being in it.

Might or Might not have

...only cooked twice in the past five days. Three times if you count the peanut butter and jelly sandwiches I made me and the kids.

...only once put on something other than pajama's. If I did do that I would have had me and the kids shower and put on clean pj's everyday though. Hey, I have standards.

...waited until the last minute to clean and do laundry.

...really been in a funk the past few days.

...found something I wasn't expecting to find. I need to pray about this one.

Bittersweet

When I found out I was pregnant with baby #3, I began praying. I prayed for a healthy pregnancy. I prayed for a healthy baby. I prayed for us to find a bigger house. I prayed for a safe delivery. I prayed for a baby with a laid back personality because I also had a 3 year old boy!  I prayed she would nurse and nurse well.

 My pregnancy was completely fine and almost boring. I was blessed with a perfectly healthy 7lb baby girl. We moved into our new house the week before she was born. The delivery wasn't the one I dreamed of but it was a delivery that was safe for both of us. Little girl was so easy going PRAISE GOD! I have never seen a baby smile as much as she does. Even when crying, sick with a cold and teething she still smiles. And she latched on and never let go!! HA!

 With Miss Thang I did not have the support AND I was young AND I didn't so much give up but stopped because I just didn't know what to do. With Little Man he had issues and I was a mess. It was a long first year that included no sleep and little nursing. Then I had Abby. I have been surrounded by Momma's who are encouraging, supportive, and a wealth of knowledge. I am older and the hubby is older and more supportive. I was realistic this time. My short term goal was to just make it through the next feeding. My short term/long term goal was 6 months. My really long term goal was anything past that and hopefully to a year. Just whenever she was ready to stop.

 Around Christmas time her Dr became worried that she was not gaining much weight. She was nursing great, hitting her milestones but just not gaining. I took some time to decide what to do and I finally started adding one bottle a day and also more foods. She was still nursing A LOT so it was fine. Then I added a second bottle and the more food. She still nursed A LOT. She started gaining weight and filling out.

 Then a few weeks ago she started crawling and walking along furniture. She became mobile and was less and less interested in the time consuming activity of nursing. She is always moving and frankly my boobs don't stretch THAT far! So the past few weeks she started nursing first thing in the morning, around nap time and before bed time. Slowly the morning nursing stopped because the hubby was getting up with her a few mornings. Over the past week the daytime nursing has stopped. Then yesterday and today she did not want to nurse before bed.

 So we made it to 10 months and 14 days. I am thankful to God that he allowed me the chance to experience nursing without difficulties. That I was blessed with a baby girl who loves to cuddle up. I feel okay with her being done though. I feel like it was on our time. Despite feeling okay my poor family has had to put up with a hormonal mess of a mom and wife the past couple weeks. Bless them!

 Having had three kids with two not nursing for long and one that did, I have to say I offiicially do not believe that nursing makes you more bonded to your child. I think that there are so many other factors that to say it is bottle vs breastfeeding is too simplistic. I have a different bond but I don't feel any more or any less bonded to any of my kids.

 I can't believe it is nearly time to plan this little girls first birthday!

A different version of an old story

Miss Thang has been working hard this year on improving her writing skills. I am blown away by how far she has come since September. If I had learned what she is learning now, college would have been so much easier. She is learning these skills while in 3rd grade so she should be good to go!

 The newest assignment was a creative writing assignment. They had three pictures to look at. The pictures told the story of Daniel and the Lion's Den. Their assignment was to write their version of the story. It had to be accurate to the time and realistic. The person couldn't be thrown into a den of butterflies or slugs. Although I think slugs could be as horrible as a lion. Anyways, I love the story she wrote and just had to share.... it is so HER!

Poncho Villa and the Den of Hornets

Once there was a man named Poncho Villa. He loved the Lord with all his heart and was always telling people about God’s goodness. One afternoon while Poncho Villa was in the town square preaching, a crowd of people began to gather and listen. As the crowd grew larger a nearby guard, whose name was Ed, came to see what was going on. Ed realized Poncho Villa was telling the crowd about his God. Ed, who was a ruthless guard, bellowed at Poncho Villa to stop his preaching at once! When he refused, Ed arrested him. The crowd wailed. Ed grinned. Poncho Villa praised God.
Poncho Villa was ordered into a den filled with angry hornets. Even though the hornets were angry and began stinging Poncho Villa, he continued to praise God. After nine days Ed went to the den of hornets expecting to find Poncho Villa dead. He was not dead! Instead, he was alive, looking better than ever and still praising his God. Ed released Poncho Villa and invited him out for coffee.

Shopping Day!

I LOVE shopping. Not so much though by myself with all three kiddos in tow. However they were awesome today!

 I made use of the 30% Gap Give and Get Coupon and the Gap outlet. Emily made it out with the most clothes. Abby got some CUTE CUTE CUTE stuff that I can not wait to put her in. The one outfit I fell in LOVE with I had to put back. It was a shirt and shorts but it would have been $32. I just couldn't justify spending that on one outfit for her. Thomas only ended up with a couple shirts but they were pretty cute.

 He was too funny because Emily has to try on all of her clothes so Thomas had to try on his two t-shirts to make sure they fit just right :) LOVE IT!

 The kids bought some Silly Bands from Learning Express and I also found a flashlight with Thomas written on it. I don't know why but he is obsessed with having a flashlight at all times. Carters also had some great deals so I was able to find Thomas some much needed shirts and Abby the CUTEST birthday dress.

Then I took the kids to Applebee's for dinner. The three of us had some great food and spent less that the one outfit I wanted to buy Abby. I had to take Thomas to the bathroom so I told our waiter to please not clear off our table we would be right back. Yeah. They cleaned off our table. They did at least bring us new drinks back and ice cream for the kids.

 It was a good day. Tommorrow the hubby comes back from his week long trip. I am so ready to have him back!

Little Miss Abby girl is so stinkin' close to crawling. At this point we are all cheering her on! Just as soon as she figures out how to go in a foward direction instead of backwards, she will be in there. 

She went for her 9 month well baby visit yesterday She weighs 15lbs 3 ounces. She is little and petite. She is in the 4th% for everything BUT she has stayed consistantly in the 4th% so she is all good.

She might be little but she is fiesty! She has figured out shaking her head NO and uses her hands to swat everything away.

She is still nursing which blows me away! She does get to bottles of formula a day as well as a jar of baby food for lunch and two for dinner.

I think between the time change and learning new skills her sleep schedule is all off. She is still sleeping all night but waking up earlier and not wanting to nap during the day. That makes for a crabby Abby which makes for a crabby Mommy.

I can NOT believe how close she is to turning ONE!!!!

SOLD OUT! for Christ.

Last September I received a flyer in the mail from Lifeway. It listed the upcoming events with Beth Moore. I could not believe she was going to be in Tampa this April. The hubby told me I should get tickets and go.

Money is tight though and it seemed as each new payday rolled by the money was all accounted for, leaving no extra for tickets. The hubby said he would get them for Christmas. Apparently he didn't understand about them being mailed or something and didn't order them.

Truly, I could have ordered them myself at any time and put it on the credit card. I didn't though. We have worked so hard the past 18 months NOT doing that. Emergencies have happened(some more emergency-ish than others) and we have had to use them but paid it back the next payday.

Then we filed our taxes. Finally, there was a little money not designated for anything else. I had the go ahead to order the tickets.

SOLD OUT!

I KNOW there are bigger things in life to be upset about but it would be a lie to say I didn't cry from disappointment.

As a mom of three and a military wife whose husband is not always home or on a set schedule it does not happen often that I do something just for me. This was going to be that thing. In a way it also symbolized to me how far I have come from 18 months ago.

I am probably more disappointed than I should be. I may or may not be praying that something only God could work out happens and I get to go. NOT to see Beth Moore but to learn something I am meant to learn. To worship Christ in a unique enviroment.

Maybe it happens at 10.

I am just curious as to what age my children will stop having to be reminded to flush the toilet and wash their hands with water AND soap.

Last month we even put up a chart showing all the steps.

Little Man at age 3 thinks it is cool to "do the chart". Ms. 9 year old not so much.

So maybe it all works out at age 10?

The Day to Day stuff.

Little Man cracked me up today! I had a headache and Emily told me I should put Abby and Thomas down for a nap and I should take a nap while she did her grammar. Thomas looked at us and said, "I have an idea. How about you take a nap and I don't."

Totally cracked me up!

Abby wants so much to be big like her older siblings. She wants to stand but she can't stand on her own. YET! Finally, tonight she pulled up on the coffee table to a standing position. She is getting too big too fast. Slow down baby girl.

Emily has decided she wants to be a Memory Master. It just might do me in. Memory Master is part of Classical Conversations. She knows about 14 out of 24 weeks of the math. She knows all 24 history sentences. All of her Presidents. 18 out of 24 history timeline. However, we need to work on ALL of the science and geography and latin. Our plan is to study, study, study, study for the next two weeks solid. After that time we will see where she is at.

I have also implemented a new way to keep up with the house. We were becoming a family divided and focused on what we alone had done instead of realizing we are a family of 5 and it takes more than one person to keep up with it all. In the past we have tried allowances. We have tried lists. We have tried giving each person certain chores. It all failed practically before it began. The hubby and I are the worst about not following through. This time though I got everything we needed and set it all up. It is SIMPLE. Simple works for us. It also relies on doing it as a FAMILY. We made a chart of 13 tasks that need to be done on a regular weekly/daily basis to keep up with the house. I wrote the tasks down the left side of the posterboard. Then across the top I wrote the days of the week then drew the lines to make boxes. Inside each box I put a piece of velcro. Emily cut out strips of paper and The Hubby put velcro on the back of them. When you complete a task put a paper in the corresponding box. We have a juice bottle that we are going to be filling with lego pieces in at the end of every week. You total up all the boxes that were filled in for the week and that is how many lego pieces go in the jar. When the jar is full we will do something fun as a family. We are debating between Busch Gardens or Universal Studio. We have all agreed to give it two full weeks and then we will discuss how it is working. Nothing negative can be said until we have truly tried it.

 This weekend and today were a success. Some tasks one person can do and mark off for the day. Several though require us ALL to do some part of it. I am hoping it brings us together on keeping up with daily tasks. Specifically the hubby and me. To remind us to work together and to set an example for the kiddos to follow.

648

648 is the number of emails I just deleted from my inbox. That may or may not sound like a crazy number of emails UNTIL I also mention the 648 emails were only from facebook. OOOPS!

 Seriously, I need to empty my inbox more often.

Forever and a Day.

That is how long it has been since I have posted. Which is crazy because I come to the page almost daily to click on my links for the other blogs I like to read.

Things are going well. Things WERE crazy. Things WERE stressful. Things are better. Not perfect. All of the bad still happened. But God has a way of working it out the way it is suppose to. So, I put my trust in that.

Abby girl is almost nine months old! Ummmm who told her she could get big? Not me! Since she is likely our last it is hard to see who move past certain stages. Not the stage of waking up every 90 minutes though. That is, thankfully, a stage we are well past. Last month we finally put her bedroom together and transitioned her from our room to her room. She was seven months and it just felt right. She still snuggles with me in bed for a while in the morning before anyone else gets up. Love it! She has found her voice and has these funny "conversations" with us. She has said Momma and Dadda but since she found her yelling voice she has stopped saying it all the time. She said momma first. Only once. While we were at the hubby's parents house over Christmas, the three of us were chilling in our bed before going to sleep. She just started saying momma over and over. Then she didn't say it again and for weeks said dadda. ALL. DAY. LONG. That is okay. She is so stinking adorable and melts my heart!

She is our sweet, sassy Abby girl.

It is good to be back.